Blogging in Search of Direction

girl in a hotel room with a laptop and a snack

I decided to participate in Blog Like Crazy this year as a last resort. Let’s back up — I love goals. I like to have at least one major, long-term goal in my life, and usually I like to have a few little ones, too. I like striving toward something, I like to achieve things, and I feel very unmoored when I don’t have something inspiring to pursue.

It’s been awhile since I had a goal like that, at least professionally; I wrapped up my podcast last winter, and, even though I’ve had a few ideas since then, nothing has really captured my interest enough for me to get excited. Tired of doing nothing, I figured I might as well jump-start my blog by posting every day for a month through Blog Like Crazy. I thought, if nothing else, it would at least help me create a platform for promoting whatever my next big idea turns out to be. But, to be honest, I was hoping it would help me discover that big idea, too.

I have enjoyed blogging again. I’ve learned a few things about myself, I’ve gotten amazing feedback from readers (seriously, thank you), and I’m glad I forced myself to work on writing even on the days I didn’t want to. I can’t say, however, that I’ve crystalized a new direction.

But maybe I don’t have to. Maybe moving forward one step at a time (or one blog at a time) is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, even though I’d rather be jumping ahead by leaps and bounds. Maybe that’s just not a pace I can, or should be, keeping up forever.

Pacing myself like this is not something I’m good at. But it’s something I’m trying to learn — to move forward even when it isn’t fun, inspiring, fresh or profound. To put in the work, even when I’ve lost sight of the point. Recently, I read through some of my old journals, and I realized that I’ve felt this way before — and usually it’s right before I made a big leap forward in my career and my writing. In those years, I kept going, not giving up hope that I’d see my new path eventually. Here’s hoping I can write my way forward this time, too.

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